Not About Angels
by anabeav87
Summary: Set after 6x05. Damon is dealing with Bonnie's death but he's not handling it very well. A one-shot about his guilt and pain over losing Bonnie and what has happened since that fateful day.
1. Chapter 1

(Ok so I wrote a thing. I know it's been months since I wrote for Falling Down the Rabbit Hole but a lot happened and I had to abandon it...hopefully not for, forever. Sometimes life happens...sucks but hey that's life. So I think this is a one shot. I haven't decided whether I'll continue it or not. The title is actually a song by Birdy. You should look it up. I think it explains the current situation of Bamon very well. Please tell me what you think. To the people actually invested in my other fic I am so sorry. I'm really hoping I will find the inspiration to continue it.)

(**Disclaimer: I do not own TVD or any of its characters…if I did Bamon would be the ultimate ship and every other ship would quack in its presence.)

_I had been back for a month. A month of shocking revelations. My brother had lost himself and subsequently lost others because of it but since I had been back he was finding himself again. And blondie was helping him. For once I was grateful for her. They had been spending a lot of time together but Stef wouldn't talk about it. Alaric was adjusting well and was even seeing someone, Jo. Our friendship, after getting over his backstabbing, had picked right back up. Between him and Enzo I was never without a drinking buddy. As for Elena...she gave up on me. As someone who loved the same person for over 100 years, it was hard for me to understand. For four months all I thought about was getting back to her. All I thought about was fixing our relationship and starting our eternity together...but she erased me. She was very adamant about not getting the memories back but that didn't deter me from trying to win her back. I figured I could show her what we had and make her fall in love with me all over again. A month later...she still didn't love me and she hadn't asked for her memories back. I was hurt and angry. I drink and locked myself away for three days when things looked bleak but then one day I awoke and I wasn't hurting as much anymore. I was letting her go. It shocked me. She was supposedly my soul mate but I could actually live without her. _

_It had been a month and still I kept the secret of Bonnie to myself. She died for me. She stood and looked in my eyes and basically told me that she wouldn't want to be with anyone else but me. I felt shy and the stirrings of butterflies and realized that I had never felt that way with Elena. And then everything turned to darkness and in the end I was saved while she laid in a pool of her own blood and met her end again...but for the last time. I still dreamed about her, still woke early to start making pancake batter before I remembered, still stood in the shower (my safe haven) and thought about all the ways I could have saved her. I tried to drink away her memory, her scent, her everything but nothing helped. I even entertained the idea of having Alaric wipe my memories but in the end I didn't want to admit the truth to him. And the truth was that I had failed Bonnie. I had failed her and I would never get the chance to fix it. This was my actual hell and there was no escaping it. _

"What are you doing?"

I looked up from the notebook in my lap and met Stefan's eyes. "Nothing. Just writing." I sloshed around the drink in my hand before downing the rest of the throat burning brown liquor.

Stefan chuckled while making his way to the bottled whiskey. "You're writing in a journal?" His eyebrow lifted like the idea was completely unbelievable.

My phone went off in my pocket. I checked the text and then got up. "Yep and now I'm going to drink my insides black. Don't wait up Steffie." I turned back to him, one hand holding the door open and the other clutching my leather jacket, before adding. "Oh and btw I would tell Caroline to change her perfume...it's very distinctive." After his face dropped into shock I walked out the door with a bounce in my step. I didn't realize I had left my journal lying in my abandoned seat.

I returned to a dark house. I rested my head against the front door and looked at the boarding house with new eyes. It was nice being home. It had taken a lot to get the veil lifted but it was worth it. However, as I stood in the darkness of the entryway, all I could think about was Bonnie. I swore I could smell her. She always smelled of lilac. I swore I could hear her singing under her breath as she made dinner. As I made my way into the kitchen I expected to see her smile. I expected to see the smile that could put a thousand suns to shame...the smile I would do anything for but I was met with more darkness. I felt a sob rise up in my throat and I fought to keep it down. I ran my hands through my hair and shuddered as one tear slipped down my cheek.

I made my way to the bourbon, picked up a bottle and started taking big pulls off of it as I made my way to my bedroom. By the time I made it to my shower I had already finished the bottle. I stripped, stepped into the scalding water, and knowing that water and several walls separated Stefan and me, I began to cry. I let it all out. I missed her. More than I thought possible. I wanted to her voice. I wanted to hear her laughing at my horrible dance moves. I wanted to hear another one of her childhood stories of her growing up with her Grams. I wanted to smell lilac and remnants of fire from one of her failed attempts at a spell. I wanted to watch her perform a spell and feel entranced. I wanted one of those rare moments when she would fall asleep against my shoulder and I could look at her uninterrupted. I would see perfect beauty but I would also see power...enough power to destroy the world. But beneath that I would see a fragility that was rarely seen and I would feel an overwhelming need to protect her from Satan himself. I missed her and it wasn't going away.

I stepped from the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. I looked in the mirror and saw the evidence of tears evaporate from my face. Like it never happened...

But when I entered my bedroom, Stefan was sitting on my bed waiting for me. He had my journal in his hands and a sorrowful look in his eyes. My body became a statue.

"I heard you crying..."

I continued to stare at him, immobile.

"I also read your journal. I won't apologize for it. I knew something was wrong and I wanted to fix it."

I didn't say anything. I just made my way to my closest and changed into a white t-shirt and black pajama pants. I heard him approach me before continuing.

"I have a lot of questions about the alternate world you and Bonnie were in," I felt my body stiffen at her name, "but only one matters right now."

"And what's that?"

"Did you love her?"

I felt my resolve falling away from me, slipping through my fingers. Before I knew it tears were making their way down my face again. I didn't make any noises but Stefan must have known I had broken because before I knew what was happening he was pulling me into a bone crushing hug. I buried my head into his neck but not before whispering, "I think I kind of did."


	2. Chapter 2

(Chapter 2! Sorry it took so long. I hope you guys like this. Thank you to everyone who has followed, faved, and reviewed this story. It means so much to me. Just a head's up there is cursing in this one.

Disclaimer: I do not own vampire diaries or any of its characters. Don't I wish I did!)

Someone was in my house. I woke up with a splitting headache and could hear voices coming from the kitchen. I sat up and scrubbed my hands up and down my face and thought about how much I had unloaded on Stef last night. I told him everything. We stayed up for hours and for the first time since we were human I completely let down my veil in front of him. But that was then and this is now and the veil was back in place.

I hopped out of bed and dressed quickly in black jeans, a gray v-neck, and black boots before making my way downstairs to throw some people out of my house.

I walked in the kitchen and everyone, the whole gang, stopped talking and whipped their heads around to stare at me.

"What?"

I didn't actually wait for an answer. I just walked to the refrigerator and started heating up some day old soccer Mom. I could feel their eyes staring holes in my back. I was getting pissed off and that was never good for anyone.

I turned back to them and started sipping while waiting for an explanation. I searched each of their faces until I got to Stefan who had the decency to put his head down.

I chuckled under my breath. "So you told them, huh Stef? Of course you did. I really thought I could trust you." I started walking out of the kitchen before his voice stopped me.

"Damon I just want to help."

"And how the hell are you going to do that, huh? She's dead. She's been dead for a month and there is no fixing it. I don't want to do this little therapy session with you guys where we share our feelings. I'm done. I'm letting her go."

I heard a whisper from the middle of the circle. I instantly recognized the nerve grating sound as Jeremy Gilbert.

I sat the mug on the counter beside me. "What was that little Gilbert?"

He stepped out from the circle like he was some hero. "I said of course you're letting her go. I mean you left her there to die. I doubt you even tried to save her. You're a coward."

My hands folded into fists and dug in until I felt warm thick liquid gathering in my palms. "You don't know what I did and you don't know what happened there."

"I know you never gave a crap about Bonnie."

Elena reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder. "That's not fair Jer." He shook her hand off. "Stop defending him Elena. You're not screwing him anymore." She reared back like she had been slapped but didn't say anything else.

Jeremy turned back to me to finish his piece. "Admit it Damon. You never gave a damn about Bonnie. You used her for your own personal gain and to butter up Elena. So how dare you act hurt about her death? We can but you certainly can't."

"How dare I? HOW DARE I?" Stefan stepped towards me to try and reign me in but I gave him a pointed look and he backed off. "No Stef. He had his piece and now I'm going to have mine. Every one of you believe that you were this amazing friend to Bonnie or in your case, Jeremy, amazing boyfriend but that's bullshit! Over the years all of you have stopped caring about Bonnie until it was necessary for her to pull some spell out of her ass to save you. Elena you have gotten into a million fucking messes and each time Bonnie had to fix it and in the end suffered for it. Jeremy she brought you back twice and you repaid her by cheating with a god damn ghost. Tyler I won't even acknowledge you. Blondie you care about her but as soon as a new dick enters your life you forget she exists. Stefan you know what the hell you've done. The only one among you who actually gave a shit about Bonnie is Matt." I nodded at him and he nodded back but didn't comment. Everyone else in the room looked ready to argue with me but I held up my hand to stop them. "What happened between Bonnie and me on the other side is nobody's business but I will say this: I was all she had and she was all I had. We formed a bond and I cared about her. Hell I cared about her way before that. I hurt her, yes, but I always found ways to save her. And there was no difference over there. I fought to protect her and told her to leave and she forced me to go. I would never have left her voluntarily. I don't want any of your help when it comes to her. I'm going to grieve and let her go. It's my only choice. No one bring her up to me again."

Without a second thought I left the room, grabbing my keys on the way, hopped in my car and sped away.

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They all stood around the room in shock.

"How dare he?!" Jeremy exclaimed.

"Sit down and shut up Jeremy," said Stefan as he pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "Can we all just calm down and go talk about my idea."

They made their way into the living room, each taking a seat. Stefan took a seat in the middle of them, clearing his throat, and then began. "After what Damon told me last night I think there may be a possibility that Bonnie is still alive."

Caroline slipped forward with a hopeful look on her face. "What makes you think that?"

"He said this guy, Kai, couldn't die there and I'm wondering if that means no one can. I want to find out. I say we find a way to contact Bonnie in that world. But we keep it to ourselves. I don't want Damon getting his hopes up and then it turns out she really is gone...he feels guilty enough."

Jeremy scoffed in defiance. Stefan stood swiftly and hunched down until he was eye level with him. "We don't need your negativity Jer. We all want to save Bonnie and we all care about her including Damon. I know you don't like him but this is not the time for that. So you're either with us or against us."

Jeremy nodded and then sat back without uttering a word.

Stefan stood up and looked at Tyler. "Do you think you can get Liv to help?"

"Uh yeah probably. I'll call her."

Stefan then addressed Elena. "Do you think you could look through Bonnie's stuff and see if you can find Lucy's number?"

"Of course but what for?"

"We might need Bennett blood to actually make contact."

"Ok. I'll go to Bonnie's place now and see what I can find."

Caroline stepped forward. "What can I do?"

"Call Ric and see what you two can dig up about The Gemini Coven. I know he knows some information but we need more now that we know Kai is connected to them. Matt, you and Jeremy for right now can just be on standby. We're going to find Bonnie if she's still alive and we're going to bring her home."

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It had been a month and she was no closer to getting home. When she had awoken in the cave, Kai was gone and so were the broken pieces of the ascendant. It had taken a lot to drag herself off that cave floor but she managed to do that and make it to the hospital to do some minor surgery. She then went to the store and stocked up before closing herself up in the boarding house with locks, nails, and magic. It took only three days before Kai was beating down the door trying to get in but the magical barrier wouldn't let him. He then began trying to destroy the house with her in it but with limited resources he could only do so much damage.

She was safe but she had, had to make a provisions run earlier that week and it had been terrifying. The drive there had been fine. He hadn't been waiting outside for her like she thought but once she got in the store she could feel him lurking. He was stalking her, trying to drive her crazy. Just as she was making her way to the exit the lights shut off and his insane whispering began. _Where you going Bon Bon? Don't you want to play? I know I do. Let's play doctor and the first one to bleed out loses! _That was followed by high pitched laughter before she heard footsteps coming at her fast. He screamed and came barreling at her at an unimaginable speed. She did the only thing she could think of. She lifted her arm and used her magic to send him colliding with the registers and then made a dash for it while struggling to carry all her supplies. She drove like hell hounds were on her trail and then locked herself away yet again. Not 30 minutes later she heard him screaming outside about the fact that he was just joking and if she came outside they could talk about it. She ignored him and went about her day.

She made some chili for dinner with plenty of cayenne. As she ate she read through some of the more difficult spells in a grimoire she had found in the Salvatore attic. After dinner she made her way upstairs and went straight into Damon's room, closing the door softly behind her. She placed miss cuddles on his bed and then ran a bubble bath. She sunk into the deep tub and relaxed for the first time that day. She half dozed for about 45 minutes until finally drying off and then making her way into his closet like it was completely normal. She found a simple gray t-shirt and slipped it on over top of her white cotton panties. She then walked back into the bathroom and sprayed herself with his cologne before slipping under the crisp sheets of his bed and holding miss cuddles close.

When she was in his bed, wearing his shirt, smelling of him she could almost believe that she wasn't alone...that she wasn't lonely. She could almost pretend he was there with her. She tried not to examine why she missed him so much. She told herself it was because she had lived with him for almost five months but a small part of her knew it was more than that. She knew that she had developed feelings for him. How deep she didn't know...she didn't want to know. But she did know she missed him.

She wished she had actually appreciated the months they were together while they were happening but that was the past and all pointless. If she ever got back home she would be with Jeremy and Damon would be with Elena. Besides there was no real possibility he could have feelings for her...right? She burrowed deeper into the bed. All she could do right now is hope she could go home one day and let the other stuff work itself out. All she could do is hope. All she had was hope...because she certainly didn't have Damon anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

(I decided to post two chapters to make up for not updating sooner. So this one is kind of the needed filler to get to the actual saving of Bonnie. It gets a little graphic...if that's not your cup of tea please do not proceed. As always reviews are much appreciated...they soothe the savage beast. Thanks again!

Disclaimer: I do not own the vampire diaries or its characters...because if I did Bonnie would be an immortal witch and her and Damon would be spending eternity together.)

It had been two weeks since Stefan decided to start the save Bonnie Bennett mission. It took a week and a half just to get in touch with Lucy and she subsequently told Abby which made Stefan's life less pleasant. Both Bennett women decided they wanted to be involved. Caroline and Alaric were still trying to track down anyone with info about the Gemini Coven. They knew that Kai had left one sister alive but the trail on her went cold right after the massacre.

Lucy had arrived only 12 hours ago and was closed up in a local hotel with Abby trying to figure out how to contact Bonnie. The first thing that needed to be figured out was whether or not Bonnie was alive. Stefan realized that if he could get that info he could finally stop hiding everything from Damon. It hadn't been extremely hard to do seeing that Damon had been constantly drunk off whiskey and blood for two weeks straight. He kept telling Stefan that it was helping him let go of Bonnie but honestly he hadn't been this bad since he found out Katherine wasn't in the tomb.

Stefan could see that his brother was hanging on by a thread but whenever he tried to bring up the love confession Damon would act as if he had no idea what he was talking about. He was in denial about his feelings. Eventually he stopped trying to talk to him. He wanted to find Bonnie and bring her home. Then Damon would be his old self again.

His phone rang for what felt like the 100th time that day and he sat across the room staring at it hoping that it would stop soon. He just wanted to take a minute to himself but two seconds after it stopped ringing it started again. He let out a long frustrated sigh, sat down his Jim Beam, and got up to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Stefan I think we may have something," said Lucy from the other end.

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. Can we come over?"

"Yeah. I'll call the rest of the gang to let them know and I'll get Ric and Enzo to take Damon out. Give me an hour."

"Fine."

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An hour later Stefan, Caroline, and Elena watched as Lucy and Abby started performing the spell. They stood in front of the fireplace in the sitting room while Abby dropped a few droplets of blood on a piece of paper with the simple message: _Bonnie. This is your mother. Please make contact so that we know you are still alive. Supero will find you. _

Elena scrunched up her nose in curiosity. "So how does this work exactly?"

Lucy answered but continued to look at one particular page of her grimoire. "Witches are connected to nature which is why it's fairly easy to manipulate elements. They are basically our tools of trade and they want to lend their services to us. The more elements involved in the spell the more powerful the spell. This one contains four of them essentially: the paper represents earth; the air obviously is the air that fuels the fire; the fire; and blood, Bennett blood represents water, which is the essence of life. Without water the world and none of its creatures could survive just like the blood in your body. With all of the elements our magic is basically limitless which means reaching back 20 years in the past is quite easy." She took the paper from Abby, whispered _Supero, _and then tossed it into the fire. It ignited quickly and then burst into a brilliance of blinding blue before turning to ash. She turned back to the group. "The elements will help it travel and the blood will lead it to its destination, Bonnie, and it will appear in this fireplace in the time that she is at. All we have to do now is wait."

Caroline rapidly nodded her head as she took that in. She took a deep breath and blinked away a few tears while trying to calm herself down. She didn't want to get her hopes up but she missed Bonnie so much that she couldn't help it. She was sure that she would finally break if this didn't work. She was just beginning to work herself up into a frenzy when she felt a strong arm wrap around her shoulders. She looked up at Stefan and smiled softly before resting her head on his shoulder. Now comes the waiting.

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Bonnie burst through the door of the boarding house before slamming it behind her and locking it. She immediately put up a spell around the house to keep Kai out. She slipped down the door and landed softly on the floor. Breathing heavily she grasped her side where Kai had kicked her repeatedly. It was tender and bruised and it hurt every time she sucked in a breath. She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. Wiping the blood from her mouth and let out a small chuckle filled with pain. Who would have thought that Bonnie Bennett would actually be wishing for death?!

She had gone out for more food and she thought she had been safe but half way back to the house the car had died. She knew Kai had done something but instead of pondering what, she had grabbed her bags and started the short walk to the boarding house. Just as she was entering the yard he attacked her from behind. He beat her like a man and kept screaming insane ramblings about her betraying him, about the fact that the ascendant was damaged beyond repair and how they were both stuck in this hell with each other for eternity. She fought back and kept repeating that she was happy that she did what she had done. She must have repeated it about three times before he actually heard her.

He then smiled slowly and broadly before saying, "You're so happy we're stuck together we should at least make the most of it." He started unbuttoning his pants and Bonnie's eyes bugged out of her head and she started screaming no as she tried to wiggle away. He grabbed her wrists and placed them above her head and leaned down until his lips were almost touching hers and whispered, "So Damon can have you but I can't? I mean I know he never got this far but we both know he wanted to. Feels nice to have gotten there first." He then pressed his cold, cracked, dry lips against hers. Bonnie bit down hard and when he reared back she took her thumbs and dug them into his eye sockets until she felt a pop of liquid. He screamed and fell backwards with his hands over his face as he writhed around on the ground. Bonnie simply picked up her bags and ran to the safety of the boarding house.

She had been sitting there for at least 45 minutes while thinking about her endless future with Kai, crying all the while, when the fireplace roared to life. She jumped before scrambling to her feet to watch the blue flames, that so resembled the color of a certain person's eyes, try and lick every surface within close distance. Finally the flames died down until there was nothing more than ash. She bent down to inspect it and in the midst of the ash she found a folded up piece of paper with singed edges.

She read it quickly and with her heart beating wildly in her chest she wrote a reply, dropped a few droplets of blood onto it, whispered _Supero, _and threw it into the blue fire waiting to consume it.

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It felt like they had been waiting all day and had almost given up hope that she was alive when the fireplace basically coughed up the letter. Lucy quickly unfolded the paper and everyone gathered around it to read it with smiles on their faces.

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That's how I found them...huddled together with their backs to me. I didn't make a comment. I instead walked to the bar and made myself a drink before addressing them. I figured I would need alcohol for this.

"What are you guys looking at so intently over there? Don't tell me you found Stefan's hidden porno...look I know it's some sick stuff but there's no need to make fun of the man while he's standing right there." I smiled crudely and took a healthy gulp of my bourbon. They however didn't smile. In fact all they did was stare at me like they were shocked to see me.

"Ok. What the hell is going on?"

No one said anything. Stefan just walked up to me and handed me a piece of paper. I snatched it out of his hand and skimmed it before I sat my glass firmly down on the bar and walked into the kitchen. I sat down and stared down at Bonnie Bennett's words.

_I am alive but not safe. I've been fighting but it's getting harder every day. I'm not sure I can escape this hell I'm in without help. I assume Damon made it back safely? That makes this all worth it. _

_Damon...please don't feel guilty or think yourself unworthy of my sacrifice. I don't regret it. You deserved to go back...like I said there's hope for you. Though I might miss you a little bit. I know you'll be the one to find a way to get me out of here...Miss Cuddles and I will be waiting. _

I read it several more times to reassure myself that it was real before walking back into the living room. Everyone turned towards me and Stefan approached me again, waiting for me to either praise them or damn them. Instead I uttered instructions. "Everyone get some sleep. Tomorrow we start looking for ways to bring Bonnie back." With that I walked up the stairs towards my room with one thought taking up every available space in my brain: I will save Bonnie Bennett.


	4. Chapter 4

Yay chapter 4! I want to thank everyone who has favorited this story or followed this story and a big thank you to the people who have reviewed. I didn't really think people liked this story much but in the past couple of days I've gotten some really nice reviews about the hope of this story continuing so here it is! So I don't know how you guys are going to feel about this chapter…ok what I actually mean is I don't know how you guys will feel about the end of the chapter. Please don't get too mad at Bonnie and please don't hate me for it. Lol! It will work itself out…promise!

So yeah also I disclaim. I do not own the characters of vampire diaries or the plot of vampire diaries nor would I ever want to…way too much pressure! Enjoy!

Chapter 4

I hadn't found the answer yet and once again I was reminded that I was a failure. Everyone that had been in and out of my life in my 100+ years had made it clear that, that's all I was. My father, Stefan, Katherine, Elena and countless others loved to tell me in their own ways how much I sucked and now I was proving them right. It had been 13 days and 4 hours since I read Bonnie's letter and I still hadn't figured out how to save her. My days and nights were spent pouring over grimoire's and spending time with the Bennett women looking for answers...I had even asked the useless twins for help after Stefan pushed me to. Of course they had no answers. Every idea ended in the same answer: no witches had enough strength to reach that far back in time and literally rip Bonnie from another plane. Lucy certainly didn't have enough Bennett juice to do it and the twins could do parlor tricks at best...even combined they weren't certain they would be able to keep a portal open long enough for me to get Bonnie. We would need a coven...and none were willing to help us for fear of releasing Kai. On top of that Bonnie's so called friends had fallen down on the job. Alaric had practically forbade me from asking Jo for help anymore since the truth about the Gemini coven came out. His argument was that Bonnie could take care of herself since she had magic but that Jo had sent hers away and Kai would kill her if he got out. I was also finding opposition from Tyler when it came to Liv. Granted Liv didn't have enough strength to do anything but if she could convince her coven to help we could certainly get her out…that was off the table also. Everything was apparently off the table but when I would bring up the fact that Bonnie was still in that hell hole with Kai each of her friends would say the same thing: 'I'm not saying we can't save Bonnie but we can't do it at the risk of setting Kai free.'

I was back to square one. And on top of it Elena had been following me around like a lost lamb. It started with her wanting to help but lately she had been coming over just to talk and she kept making comments about how shocked she was that I was doing so much to get Bonnie back. She was impressed and I could practically see her falling for me all over again. I was sure that if Ric was still a vampire she would be asking him to undo the compulsion. I would find a way to get Bonnie back and after that she could patch stuff up with Jeremy and I could begin eternity with Elena. I had begun to believe I was in love with Bonnie but I now knew that I was just filled to the brim with guilt. Once she was safe I could move past these feelings and be happy and fulfilled with Elena.

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Bonnie shot up in bed, her breathing jagged and forced as she clutched her chest. This was the third night she had dreamt of her grams but every time she would wake up out of breath and she could barely remember what the dream was about. She did know however that it was important.

After calming herself down and taking a sip of lukewarm water she settled back into the bed with a single agenda: letting grams tell or show her what she needed to know. She fell back into sleep easily and when she opened her eyes she was in a field of flowers standing in front of grams.

"Hello Bonnie. How are you child?"

"Grams." She smiled and started to tear up. She rushed to her and held on for as long as possible.

Grams held her tightly and whispered reassurances in her ear before pulling back to rub the tears from her face.

"Grams what's going on? Why do you keep coming to me?"

"I know how to get you out of this world, honey."

Her mouth dropped open and she blinked repeatedly. "You do?"

"Yes, child. Now listen and pay attention because we only have one chance to do this."

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Bonnie awoke calmly and breathed a sigh of relief with a smile on her face. She got up and packed a small bag to take with her and then made her way to the witch's house. As soon as she entered she could hear the witch's whispering in her ear, urging her to take the stairs to the basement. After entering the basement she walked to the middle of the room and used a crowbar to rip up one of the wooden planks. Inside the opening was a simple distressed box the size of her palm. She slipped it into her pocket and exited the house to walk to the graveyard where the Bennett women had been buried. She dropped her bag to the ground and removed the box from her pocket before opening it and removing the stone inside. The hag stone felt rough and the hole in the middle was small but the power was great. She took out her knife and sliced her palm open before smearing every inch of the stone with her Bennett blood and then placing it in the middle of the Bennett headstones. As soon as the stone touched the ground a ring of fire surrounded the graves, ivy vines ripped out of the ground and wrapped around the headstones in a tight embrace, and a cyclone of wind enveloped Bonnie's small body.

She turned in a complete circle to watch as every Bennett witch came out of the woods and entered the ring of fire. The sound of the wind became deafening and every witch clasped hands but a spot was left empty as Grams approached Bonnie. She placed her hands on the side of her face and kissed her forehead.

"Stay strong Bonnie. Don't ever let anyone use you again. You are the last hope of the Bennett line. Make us proud." She leaned into her ear and whispered, "We will always be with you."

She stepped back into the circle and clasped the hand of Emily Bennett and another ancestor, Eleanor. They then threw their heads back and a low disturbing hum started to overtake the sound of the wind, as they began to chant. The chanting grew and grew until they were practically screaming and Bonnie braced herself. The pain would be great but the end result would be revolutionary…she would hold all of the Bennett magic in her body for all time. Suddenly the chanting stopped and their heads snapped forward, each of them staring at her with black fathomless eyes. The light of the eclipse fell upon her and the magic from each of their bodies shot out from their chests, from their hearts, and dove into Bonnie's body at an unimaginable speed. Their eyes were black from being empty but hers became blinding white as the white magic filled her to the brim. She screamed and her body bowed backwards and lifted in the air, she appeared to be almost in half. Seconds later her body dropped to the ground and every witch disappeared without a trace.

She stood gracelessly from the ground, her eyes now green once again but more vibrant, almost glowing in the darkness. She hauled her bag over her shoulder and said in a confident voice, '_Home.' _She blinked out of existence and then reappeared in the woods of modern day Mystic Falls. She walked out of the woods with an impressive strong gait and made her way to the boarding house.

She simply walked into the middle of their little meeting and stood in silence. They were laughing and joking. They were happy and didn't seem to be missing her at all. It actually took awhile before they noticed her. Each of them jumped to their feet in shock except for Damon who felt as if his heart was going to explode.

Caroline whispered a tentative, 'Bonnie?'

Bonnie's head jerked to the side to look at her in an almost inhuman way. Elena took a small step towards her, 'How?'

A small smile crept across her face. "I'm a Bennett."

DBDBDBDBDBBDBDBDBDB

She was bent over the table mixing some concoction. Her skin tight, quarter-inch sleeved black dress stopped right below her ass, leaving her caramel cream legs exposed. Deep purple heels adorned her feet, heavy smoky black makeup covered her eyes, and her hair was tousled like her fuck me pumps had done their job.

I had been watching her since she entered the party an hour ago. She entered with a shit eating grin and proceeded to ignore all of her friends while grinding against faceless, nameless men. Her friends were insulted, I was heartbroken. If Bonnie three years ago could see the Bonnie now she wouldn't recognize herself. They had lost her since she returned from 1994 a month ago and I was convinced she was lost forever. She had barely spoken to anyone since returning including myself. I had no idea what she had been doing for the past month. I knew she was back in school but that was the extent. None of us were actually invited to her grams and if we tried to even enter the yard we would hit an invisible boundary, that didn't stop blondie from inviting her to this spur of the moment party to celebrate us all being in the land of the living once again. This was probably the last chance I would have to speak with her because I was sure she would once again go into hiding once she left the boarding house tonight.

I ran my hand through my hair and then started walking towards my witch, effectively cutting off Alaric mid statement.

I leaned a hip against the bar watching her as she made a Jack and coke that contained at least 90% whiskey.

"Hi Bon Bon."

Her eyebrow lifted and she smiled slyly but didn't lift her eyes from her cup as she filled it with whiskey. "Damon..."

"Having fun?"

"Not really but it's about to get better." She lifted the glass and took a giant gulp followed by a slight shiver and a wrinkling of her nose. She then sat her glass down and finally made eye contact with me.

"So what do I owe this pleasure? Shouldn't you be chasing Elena around telling her about the good old days?"

My mouth tensed with unspoken insults but I chose to ignore her comment."Speaking of your friends, when are you going to stop ignoring them?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Don't do that. Don't pretend with me. I heard Elena and Caroline complaining to Stefan that you've been ignoring all their calls and texts. Elena even said you've also been ignoring boy wonder over there."I jabbed my thumb in the direction of Jeremy who had been sulking in a corner all night."What's wrong with you?"

"Me? Nothing's wrong with me."

I leaned closer to her and lowered my voice for only her ears. "Bullshit! The Bonnie I know would never abandon her friends."

Bonnie quickly closed the space between us. Her green eyes stared into mine with a cold glint and her warm breath tickled my lip. "That Bonnie died a long time ago. Keep up Damon...I thought you were the smart brother. They're not my friends anymore and the quicker all of you figure that out the happier we'll all be."

My hand lifted and my fingers trailed down her face. A somber look overtook my face. "Bon Bon what happened to you?" For a fraction of a second I saw her facade slip and sadness fill her eyes before Elena interrupted us and the coldness replaced it once again.

"Hey Bonnie. Enjoying the party?"

Bonnie turned slowly towards Elena with a fake, hard as diamonds smile. Elena had a

tense smile and was fidgeting with the hem of her dress.

"I knew since Damon and I were talking you would be over here soon enough."

Elena's mouth dropped open. "Bonnie, it's not like that. We just haven't talked much since you came back and I wanted to know how you've been."

Bonnie chuckled with disbelief. "Ok Elena, well I'm going to go dance with that hot random that's been watching me all night...with any luck it'll go beyond dancing. You two enjoy being awkward."

Before she could even take a step, Elena stopped her with her hand on her wrist. Bonnie looked down at Elena's hand encircling her wrist and then back up at her face with a sharp expression. Elena quickly dropped Bonnie's wrist but didn't move out of her way. Bonnie merely lifted her eyebrow in question."Bonnie I know it's none of my business but I really think you should at least talk to Jeremy instead of trying to make him jealous. He made mistakes while you were gone but he loves you...he just needs a second chance."

I not only saw but felt the anger and hate fighting to the surface in Bonnie's body. Every light in the boarding house began to flicker and the music came to an abrupt halt. Every person turned towards Bonnie who had anger coming off her in waves. Elena took a cautious step back but waited for Bonnie to talk. "I wasn't gone, Elena. I was dead. Something that seems to have escaped all of you but Damon. But since you and Caroline seem to want to have a little pow wow so fucking bad, let's have one. I was dead. I died. And do you know how long Jeremy waited before he was hip deep in some girl? Huh, do you?! Two weeks. That's it! So don't you dare tell me he loves me. Even if he does it's not the type of love I want or deserve."

"Bonnie, I was just trying to be helpful. Let's just get back to the party."

"Oh no! I want to talk. Isn't that what you and Caroline have been begging for? Didn't you complain to Stefan that I wasn't being the bestest, best friend ever?"

Alaric stepped forward and started to reach out a hand for her shoulder but pulled back fast when she looked at him sharply. "Bonnie, maybe you should take a break from everything and go get some air. Try and calm down..."

"Alaric I suggest you go back to your corner with your all-consuming girlfriend. I mean she's what's important right? You did chose to leave me in hell with a psychopath for her so shouldn't you be spending every minute with her?"Alaric opened his mouth to defend himself but could only babble. I merely shook my head at him and Alaric shut his mouth and walked back to Jo.

Bonnie smiled sweetly. "Now that,that interruption is over let me finish this overdue speech." She turned to each person as she spoke to them, making sure to keep eye contact with each so her message was clear. "Jeremy you and I are done. I will never again lower myself enough to believe the type of relationship we had is good enough. Tyler and Alaric I brought both of you back to life and the first chance both of you got you chose women you barely knew over me. Both of you should remember that you are human again and will probably need the services of a witch in the near future...my particular services are no longer available to either of you so I hope you can protect yourselves. Matty Blue Blue all I have to say to you, is get the hell out of this town. You are so special and you deserve more than the fucked up life you've had. Caroline I love you. You're my best friend but as soon as a new guy comes into the picture I don't exist. I'm not saying our friendship is over but I need time and I'm hoping you can give it to me" Caroline merely smiled sweetly and nodded her head in acceptance. "Stefan we're not close but I care about you regardless. Don't ever feel bad for moving on when Damon died...it was what was best for you at the time. And Elena," Elena became very stiff, clearly anxious of what Bonnie would say, "Elena, Elena, Elena...our friendship is over. I have lost everything because of you. My mother left because of you and eventually got turned to save you once again. My grandmother died to save your boyfriend. Silas got out for a cure that you wasted which not only lead to my father's death but my own. I gave up coming back to the land of the living to send Damon and you had erased him because it was easier. And not once have you offered a heartfelt apology or even a thank you. You are selfish. You truly believe the world revolves around you and that's partly because of me and the Salvatores' but I refuse to put you on a pedestal any longer. What they do is their business but we are officially done. Pull your head out of your ass Elena and find the girl you used to be because I don't even recognize you anymore."

By the time Bonnie finished, tears were streaming down Elena's face…not from hearing the truth but because Bonnie had dared to be mean to her. Bonnie sighed loudly and gave up. She put her glass down on the table with a loud smack causing a crack to splinter it and walked through the mass of astonished faces and out the front door.

Before she could make it to the end of the driveway, I was in front of her with my arms crossed. She came to an abrupt halt and crossed her arms as well.

"What?"

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere not here." She walked around me and continued to her car, but once again stopped short when I zipped back in front of her. She balled up her hands and squeezed until it hurt.

"God damn it, Damon! Stop! I'm leaving…now get out of my way."

"No."

She sighed and put her head down. "Why?"

"I think you need to talk and since I'm the only person you're speaking to I figured I'd offer my services."

"I don't need to talk, Damon. I need to leave."

"You need to let out all that anger and talking out your feelings, though something I would rather not do, will help you so I'm willing to suck it up and listen to you."

A quizzical look overtook her face before the corner of her mouth lifted in a smug smile. She slowly approached me and placed her hands on my chest and proceeded to smooth out my gray v-neck while biting her bottom lip. I swore I stopped breathing and that my non-existent heartbeat sped up. Her eyes slowly lifted up to mine and she looked like she had made a major decision.

"You want to help me with my anger, Damon?" I nodded slowly. "Good. Then how about we climb into the back of your Camaro and fuck?"

My mouth fell open and I took a slight step back. "What? Bonnie you don't mean that."

"Yes I do. I am angry and sex will help with that. Also it's not like we haven't been working our way up to it. Think about all the tension between us, Damon, from hating each other all those years…the sex is long overdue." She stepped up to me once again and slid one hand up my chest and the other got bold and cupped me through my jeans. I hissed through my teeth at the contact but didn't remove her hand.

"I know you want me Damon and not just from the obvious," adding a gentle squeeze to my growing member, "I've seen the way you look at me when you think no one is paying attention. I know you've wanted me for years…wanted to know what I taste like, how wet I can get, how loud I can scream." She was whispering in my ear and it was taking everything in me not to take her in the driveway but the idea of Elena kept stopping me. We still weren't together. She was playing hot and cold with me once again, like she had when she was with Stefan but a part of me still wanted her. I knew that if I did this with Bonnie, Elena would never give me another chance and I didn't think I could live with that. However, then she said the one thing that made up my mind. "You know what I also know? I know that I want you too, not Stefan, not some random college guy, just you Damon."

I jerked away from her and breathed deeply while staring at her. For once she looked nervous and insecure. I simply offered her my hand, lead her to my car, and shut the door softly behind us.

DBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

For the past ten minutes she had been sitting on my lap in the backseat trying to get me to be rougher, harder, faster. However, no matter what she did I continued to treat her gently. My left hand wrapped around her hip while my right hand held her chin gently in place as our lips met. Soft lips on soft lips, hot breath mixed with hot breath, moans melding into one. Both her hands slipped into my hair and anchored as my warm, wet lips met her neck in eager hunger. As my mouth devoured her neck my hands made their way up her dress, shockingly finding no underwear. She braced herself as my fingers found her core, two fingers slipping into her wet heat. It wasn't long before she was grasping at me and breathing heavy, begging for more.

"Please, Damon. I need…I need more."

I smiled against her neck before whispering, "Ok, baby."

I then reached between us and released myself from my straining jeans. Civil Wars _I Had me a Girl _played in the background and as I finally entered her warm, snug heat the lyrics 'I had me a girl like cigarette smoke, she came and she went' played.

We moved slowly, foreheads pressed together, eyes open, both feeling something we couldn't describe and something we had never felt before. My fingers traced her jaw and I softly kissed her before speeding up. As we fell deeper into each other her head fell backwards, her hands tugging at my ink black hair as my hands dug into the skin of her back, bruising it, and my head fell to her chest. I was so close but I refused to reach my peak until she reached hers. Just as the thought entered my head I felt her muscles tighten around me and a sharp gasp escape her as she shook violently. I secretly thanked, which ever deity ran the world and let out a guttural moan as I fell over the edge.

DBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

I ran my fingers up and down Bonnie's spine as I came down from my high. It had been at least five minutes and my breathing was just returning to normal. Immediately after our joint petit morte Bonnie had buried her face in my chest and that's where it had remained. I was fine with her taking a few minutes for herself to think because I needed that time too. I knew that nothing would ever be the same between us again. This thing between us had been coming for a long time but we had never seen it because of our blind devotion to the Gilberts. All it took was untimely deaths and betrayal by our loved ones for us to realize what every outsider had…we craved each other…in more ways than one. I craved her with my body of course but I also craved her with my heart. She was important to me and I didn't want to lose her. It was time to admit it, now that she was safely back in my arms, I loved her. Yes I had admitted that to Stefan awhile ago but I had very quickly taken it back because the idea of loving anyone without Elena's face was almost laughable. The truth was, however, that I loved Bonnie Bennett probably more than I had ever loved a doppelganger…I wondered when those feelings had started but I truly didn't have the answer. As my fingers slowly inched up her side in soft wisps I made the conscious decision that Elena and I were over.

I felt Bonnie starting to lift her head but I needed to explain my feelings to her before she could look me in the eyes and strip away my confidence. I placed my open palm on her back and pushed her back down and she went willingly.

"Do you know when I realized I was in love with you, Bonnie?" Her body became stiff against mine and she didn't utter a word but I continued anyway. "I had just told you what I had done to Zack's girlfriend and baby and then asked you to send me back regardless and although you knew how I usually reacted when told no, you still said it. And I waited for the anger to take over my body but it didn't happen. I simply respected your decision. If anything I felt pride that you wouldn't back down from me and then Kai tried to touch you and I saw red. The old Damon, Elena's Damon, would have let Kai deal with my problem but the idea of him touching you made me sick. I wanted…no I needed to protect you because I didn't want to face a world without you in it. Though I didn't think he could take you away from me the idea terrified me and in that moment I loved you."

After I finished my speech I let my hand fall from her back so she could sit up and respond. She slowly lifted her body from my chest but instead of a warm smile, or tear filled eyes, her facial expression was nothing but pity. She chuckled lowly in her throat.

"Damon I'm not Elena. Telling me some pathetic little tale of your undying love does nothing for me. This was sex. We fucked and it was good and if you want to do it again you know my number but this was not the beginning of our eternal future together. You're pathetic and I get it…I do. You want to be loved like Stefan has been loved…fully, completely, eternally but let's be truthful…that will never happen. You're just not good enough." With those final words she lifted herself from my lap, opened the door, and stepped out to put her dress back in place. She slammed the door, fluffed her hair, and walked slowly to her new blood red Hyundai Elantra before speeding away.

I sat there in shock. My mouth hung slightly open, my head was pounding, and my chest felt like it was caving in on itself. I was convinced I had never felt pain like this. I didn't want to scream or cry or even drain someone completely…I just wanted to sit there and accept that I would never truly be loved. So that's what I did…I sat in that backseat until the sun came up and the boarding house was empty and one thought kept running through my head: I had me a girl like cigarette smoke, she came and she went.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello my lovelies! So a lot of you actually liked last chapter which made me supremely happy. I love a mean girl version of Bonnie but I didn't know how other people would respond to her. actually guessed right! It's all transference. She's hurting and angry and wants to lash out and hurt people…Damon was an easy target because he dared to actually admit he loved her. Poor Damon, though, right? Don't worry it'll work out. She needs a lot of closure before she can let him in but babydolls I am a diehard Bamon fan so it will happen. Also I'm kind of a Stelena fan so that might happen too. I am very sorry to any Steroline fans that may be reading. I support your ship I just really love Stefan and Elena together…just wanted to warn everyone. I want to say thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. It means the world to me. And a special thank you to Zeejack. You are the ultimate fan! Oh yeah did anyone who has read my other chapter story Falling Down the Rabbit Hole notice the little nugget I put in last chapter? If you didn't, go back and read the scene when Bonnie's ancestors come together and take notice of whose hand Grams takes. Ok without further ado…chapter 5! Enjoy! (A bit of a filler chapter)

I disclaim. I disclaim all the things and all the bitches. I don't own the vampire diaries or its characters or its less than stellar storyline. I also don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the lyrics from Not About Angels.

Chapter 5

Entertaining Elena was probably a bad idea. We were bad for each other…always had been. Her memories were still gone but she was clearly open to the idea of us. It had been two weeks since Bonnie had torn me down and I had spent every day since then with Elena. She hung on my every word as if listening to the words of God and leaned into my fingertips as if they had been dipped in gold. We were currently sitting in the kitchen as I once again made pancakes and she once again complained about Bonnie. I didn't want to discuss her; the first reason being that it hurt too much to talk about her and two because no one except Stefan knew about our time together in my car.

"I mean I understand she's still messed up from being stuck over there but it's like our friendship never existed."

"Well you can't really expect her to act normal after all that, Elena."

"No, I mean I know that's too much to ask for but I just wish she would talk to us. I think if she had us around she would start acting like the old Bonnie again."

I didn't lift my eyes from the stove as I poured the batter. I knew if I looked at her or opened my mouth I might say something I would regret.

"Damon you were with her over there. Did she act like this then?"

"No. I'm pretty sure her alone time with Kai has turned her into this."

"You mean turned her into a mean girl? Did you hear what she said to me, Damon? She was cruel and said completely untrue things. I mean yeah a lot of the things that have gone wrong in her life have involved me but I've always been thankful for her loyalty to me. I just wish she would talk to me."

"Give her time Elena."

She pushed her hair behind her ear and whispered, 'Yeah.' She then stood up and started collected her things. "I should get going. I'm meeting Jeremy for some sibling bonding time. He's not handling Bonnie's rejection too well."

"Boo woo cry me a river."

"Damon!"

"Look Elena I don't want to cause a fight now that we're doing better but that boy decided to fuck all those girls when Bonnie died. It's not fair that she just has to forgive that."

"I'm not saying that everything should just go back to the way it was but it's unfair that she won't even hear him out. That's what you do when you love someone, Damon, you forgive them."

"You mean like how you use to forgive me for everything?" 

"Yes. Exactly! From what I've been told I always gave you another chance and that's what you do when you're in love. And if Bonnie had really loved Jeremy she would give him a chance to fix everything."

"Yeah because standing up for herself is so bad…she has morals Elena and cheating goes against them."

"I have morals too Damon and I forgave you for killing friends of mine. Love means letting go of the bad and accepting the good. I mean if you love someone enough they will become the good you see in them."

"So basically you think love is a band-aid for bullshit. I've always been a bad guy but when we were together I tried to be as good as Stefan and you want to know why, Elena? Because I thought that was the only way you would actually love me. I became a pathetic piece of shit just so you would take your panties off for me and you know what it got me? It got me, you, still comparing us and you telling me how you had to conform to accept me. It got me, still not feeling worthy and being terrified of fucking up in case it led to you leaving me. Loving you became just as hard as loving Katherine and yet I kept doing it because I thought it was all I deserved. And then I get back here and you have erased me! You have erased me because even the memories of me weren't good enough."

"Damon! What is wrong with you?"

"Me? Nothing is wrong with me. I'm just finally seeing the truth. Even without all the memories we are still bad for each other, Elena. You are still willing to forgive me for every fucked up thing I do and I'm still willing to become a pseudo Stefan to get you. We don't work Elena and I'm tired of doing this to myself. I'm almost 200 years old and it feels like I haven't learned a damn thing."

Her eyes were full of tears and she was shaking her head no repeatedly. She walked up to me and tried to put her hand on my shoulder. I grabbed her hand before she could touch and took a step back. "No Elena. I'm done and so are you. We aren't doing this anymore. I'm moving on and I hope you can too."

She turned her back on me, quickly grabbed up her things, and started to walk out of the kitchen but before she could I stopped her. "Oh and Elena?"

She turned back to me with a hopeful look in her eyes.

"Leave Bonnie alone." I turned back to the stove and started scraping the burnt off pancake as I heard the front door slam.

DBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

I don't know how I found myself outside of Bonnie's grandmother's house at 3 in the morning but here I was. I missed her despite how she had treated me. I didn't plan on talking or declaring my love once again. I just wanted her hot lips on mine and her body under mine screaming through the pain and pleasure.

I started to walk up to the house but hit the invisible barrier. She wouldn't answer her phone…I knew that so I guess I wasn't seeing her tonight but just as I turned around to go back to my car the front door opened and a petite little witch, in nothing but tiny little black cotton shorts and tight white tank top that clearly exhibited that she wasn't wearing a bra, stepped out.

She put her hands on her hip and cocked her head to the side. "Why are you here Damon?"

"I wanted to see you."

She laughed a short dry laugh. "I meant what I said Damon. It was just sex. I don't want any more than that."

"I know that but you said if I wanted to do it again I should call. You're not answering your phone so instead I just showed up."

"Because you want to do it again….."

"Yep." I popped the p at the end of the word and gave a cocky smile.

I heard her whisper, 'Aperi' and suddenly I could walk through the barrier. I walked with purpose up her stairs but hit another barrier at the door. She simple just stared back at me with her arms crossed.

I placed both hands on the doorway and dropped my chin to his chest. "Come on, Bonnie, let me in."

"Why? What are you going to do when you get in here? Tell me that you could show me the world like we're in a fucking Disney movie?"

"Even I'm not that corny…"

"I beg to differ. But seriously what do I get for letting you in? You have to convince me that I'm making the right choice."

"What do you want?"

She placed one finger on her chin and tapped it while her eyes lifted to the ceiling like she was actually thinking about my question.

"I want you on your knees."

She bit her lip and I knew what she was implying. I smiled widely and said, "Ok."

"Good. Come in."

I walked past her into the house and she closed and locked the door behind us.

I didn't give her much time to think before I dropped my leather coat to the ground and pushed her against the door before smashing into her mouth. The kiss was hard and punishing and before I knew it I could taste blood from where I had nicked her bottom lip. I sucked on it gently and could feel the veins taking over my face. Her blood had always been intoxicating but it had been years since I had, had it so even a small sip was driving me insane. I started sucking harder but then she pushed me away and I actually fell back a full step. I was sure she was going to command me to leave but she merely lifted her tank top over her head and threw it down to the floor and then pushed her shorts down her legs also. She stood naked and proud while making full eye contact with me.

"How about we compromise Damon?"

I could feel myself practically drooling and eagerly agreeing, "Ok."

"You give me what I want and I'll give you what you want."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that if you come over here right now and drop to your knees and make me scream I'll let you taste me in more ways than one."

I nodded eagerly and ripped my shirt over my head. I still had my jeans and boots on but couldn't care less as I dropped to my knees and lifted one of her legs on my shoulder and started to devour every inch of her. She wrapped her hands in my hair and pulled as she moaned and grunted loudly. Her heel dug deeply into my back as her back arched and her head fell back with a loud thud against the door. I was convinced I had never tasted anything like her. She tasted like the darkest, deepest magic in the world. She was overly sweet with a bite like a blackberry. As soon as she gasped from completion I jumped up and unbuttoned my pants before lifting her up driving into her hard and without warning. She let out a short scream and then kissed me as I tried to fuck her through the door. She was screaming and digging her nails into my back, making bloody crescents in my skin, and I kept driving harder into her. I knew I was only doing it to punish her for breaking my heart but that didn't stop me or even slow me down. She threw her head back and screamed loudly as her muscles clamped down on me in a vice grip. It triggered my release and just as I came I planted my fangs in her throat and drank deeply.

DBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

She was running her fingers lazily through my hair as we watched some rerun of Buffy. I didn't actually ask if I could hang out. After we finished having sex against the door of her house I pulled my fangs from her neck and stuffed myself back in my jeans before buttoning up but before I could even reach for my shirt she asked me if I wanted a drink. I immediately said yes because I was sure she would throw me out after we were done.

"Ok well stay right here. I'll be back." She scooped up her clothes and walked down the hall to her bedroom. I slipped my black shirt back on and sat on the couch to wait her out. She must have made a detour to the kitchen because she came back in dressed in an oversized gray t-shirt that looked suspiciously like one of mine and white cotton panties before handing me a tumbler of whiskey. She simply sat beside me and flipped her TV on before deciding to put Buffy on. I couldn't help staring at her, trying to figure out her game. After a short while she let a giant huff and turned to me.

"What?"

"You're not going to kick me out?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Not particularly…" 

"Good. Now shut up and drank."

"Yes ma'am." I gulped it down and then sat back to watch the awkward coupling of Riley and Buffy. After she laid her head on the arm of the couch I simply laid my head on her stomach, waiting for her to freak out and move me but now 15 minutes later we were still in the same position and she had the soft tips of her fingers rubbing my scalp.

"I told Elena that we're done for good this time." Her fingers froze in my hair for a few seconds before continuing to massage my scalp.

"Haven't you guys done this song and dance before?"

"Yeah, actually we have but I meant it this time. We both deserve better."

"Yeah well I've thought that for awhile."

"You have?"

"Of course. I mean she started going down her downward spiral to bitch town when you two got together and you became a raving lunatic every time you two had a disagreement. Not exactly a story book romance."

"And you and Jeremy were?"

"God no but I thought we were at one time. Now I realize I was just in denial. Question for you? What if she decides that what's better for is Stefan?"

"Blondie likes Stefan."

"Ok but that doesn't mean Stefan likes Caroline. He loves Elena, Damon. Always has, always will. Can you handle it if they got back together?"

"I would have to. Besides I've found what I deserve."

She sat up quickly, almost knocking me to the ground. "Maybe you should go"

"Come on Bonnie. I'm not on my knee asking for your hand in marriage. I just want you to accept that I have real feelings for you."

"Why? So one day after I have actually giving you a chance you can decide that Elena really was the one and you can leave me broken again. I've been broken too many times for her…I won't do it again."

"I know that-"

"Do you know how I got out of that prison Damon?" I shook my head but didn't utter a word. "I used a hag stone to open a portal for my ancestors and they made a collective decision to give me their magic. I have all of the Bennett magic running through my body right now. I am literally the most powerful witch that has ever walked this earth and I will be damned if the thing that brings me down is a broken fucking heart. So you can either accept that all we can ever have is a short lived sexual relationship or you can walk out of my door right now and not come back."

I thought about it. Was I willing to give her up because she was clearly scared or could I wait her out and hope that it was just fear keeping her from giving me a chance? I looked at her…I mean really looked at her and realized that she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my life and that even if what I got from her was a short relationship that never led to declarations of love it would still be more than I had, had in my almost 2oo hundred years.

"I'll accept whatever you are willing to give."

"Fine…good. Um…do you want to watch another episode or do you have to go?"

"I can stay but how about we give Buffy a rest tonight and go in the bedroom and explore."

I pulled her up from the couch and started walking towards her bedroom. "What exactly are we exploring?"

I turned back to her with a cocky smirk. "Each other's bodies of course."

DBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

My phone was screaming at me and had probably been screaming at me for some time but after the workout Bonnie had put me through I had basically fallen into a coma. I finally woke up when Bonnie smacked me against the face with a pillow. I jumped awake and looked down at her, wrapped around me like a vine, with murder in my eyes.

"What?" I growled.

"Your phone has been going off, forever. Someone keeps calling you and I would like to sleep sometime this century." My phone started going off once again. "Oh and there it goes again.

I grumbled under my breath while grabbing my phone but being annoyed with her didn't stop me from squeezing her ass under the covers while I swiped my phone to answer the unknown caller.

"What?!"

"Damon, where the hell have you been? I've been calling you for hours."

"Nice to hear from you too, brother. I am actually spooning a very sexy witch right now so could you tell me what's so dire so we can solve it and I can do more than spoon."

Bonnie was shooting me daggers but I just gave her a sweet smile back.

"Liv and Luke are dead."

Bonnie and I sat up straight in bed and I immediately put my phone on speaker.

"What? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Alaric called me early this morning. According to him: Jo, Liv, Luke and he were hanging out and some crazy ass witch burst through the door and went after Jo. When Liv and Luke tried to protect her he killed them…blasted holes right through their chests. He got Jo, Damon. Alaric is freaking out and I don't know what to do or how to even begin to find her."

I pushed my hand through my hair and heaved a big huff. "Well, fuck."

"That's not all Damon."

"Shit what else is there?"

"The witch that killed Liv and Luke…that took Jo…was Kai."

Bonnie's eyes went wide with fear and I grabbed her hand in reassurance. "That's impossible, Stefan. Bonnie left him back in 1994."

"According to him when she ripped a hole in that world to get out, it made it implode on itself and he managed to slip through one of the cracks before it was completely destroyed. Look Damon we need to figure this out. If he merges with Jo we won't be able to stop him. Obviously we sucked magic from some witch before barging into Alaric's place but that was temporary. If he merges with Jo it'll be permanent and I don't think we're strong enough to kill him."

I looked at Bonnie and I could see the blood draining from her face as she put two and two together and realized she had basically released him. "Hey Stef, I gotta go. Just tell Alaric and everyone that we're going to get Jo back and that everything will be fine, ok? I'll be there in 20." I hung up before he could say anything.

I reached for her to calm her down but she jerked back and yanked the sheet off the bed to wrap around herself before backing into the wall and sliding down to the ground. "I let him out, Damon. I got Liv and Luke killed. How could I do that? I should have just stayed there."

I was dressed in my jeans and in front of her within seconds. "No you shouldn't have. This isn't your fault Bonnie. It's mine…it's your so called friends. If we had actually saved you like you save us all the time you wouldn't have had to rip that world a part to get out. You deserve to be here Bonnie Bennett and anything Kai has done since escaping is on him."

She lifted a tear stained face to me. "He has to be stopped, Damon. You know that…"

"And he will be."

"No I mean I have to stop him. It's my responsibility."

I shot up and began pacing the room while shaking my head back and forth. "No. That's not an option. Would if you die again? Huh, Bonnie? There is no other side. You won't be able to come back this time."

She stood up slowly and squared her shoulders and I knew she had already made her decision. "I have over a 100 witches' magic inside me. I can stop him. And if you want you can stand by my side while I do but in the end this fight will be between Kai and I and I will win. I'm going to kill him and neither you nor anyone else is going to stop me." With those parting words she walked out of the room without a second glance. I let my head drop forward and tried to decide if I could honestly deal with her going to war with Kai but in the end I knew I couldn't fight her. This was her battle…all I could do was help her win it. And how unfair it was that I had found something real but out of touch…was I actually willing to give it up?


End file.
